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funniest messages to nick

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rozza

Tinkerer

13 posts

here is mine. post your own
Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 6:01 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>    please drop it or i will have to do a poo on your chest. I had tacos!

December 9, 2006 2:18 am
pistachionut

pistachionut

Gearhead

from Los Angeles, CA
73 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 2:31 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>Hey Nick -
>
>Just #$!? off, I hate you, and I will never work with you again. Go %&#@
your mother, and I will follow.

Apple user since age 5

December 9, 2006 2:32 am

jaybob

Urchin

from Kansas City
1 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 6:32 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>Aww Nevermind... your software sucks.  I think we could make more money
if we displayed a picture of dog crap on our website.  You take your kiddy
script on to a different service, but we dont want your crap here on the
ZOT.
>
>Brian

December 9, 2006 2:48 am
Nollid07

Nollid07

Automaton Tech

from Michigan
248 posts

I decided that I'm not pleased with $8 per.  I want everything, so how
about I get the total sale price.  You get nothing.  Great.
        -Brian

Sweet.

December 9, 2006 2:49 am
Anthony Ryan

Anthony Ryan

Sky Pirate

1,087 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable.

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 2:31 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>F**k you B***h

December 9, 2006 3:40 am
Mike

Mike

Automaton Tech

from Arlington, VA
384 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 3:05 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>Hey there, douchebag.  I just want to say that the quality in your apps
have gone from a kick in the balls to shit forced down my throat.  I could vomit
better interfaces and I'd rather watch American Dad than put up with
getting raped by your shitty programming.  Screw you, asshole!
>
>Oh, and I slept with your girlfriend.

December 9, 2006 3:45 am
chwebb1

chwebb1

Big Game Hunter

657 posts

Wow. Alrighty then. Mine is polite looking at all of your emails smile.
-Chris

December 9, 2006 3:47 am
Mike

Mike

Automaton Tech

from Arlington, VA
384 posts

chwebb1 wrote:

Wow. Alrighty then. Mine is polite looking at all of your emails smile.
-Chris

lmao I can just imagine.  Post yours!

December 9, 2006 3:47 am
chwebb1

chwebb1

Big Game Hunter

657 posts

It was something to the extent of "If you associate with MacZOT!, you will get paid nothing and we will hack your machine and steal your intellectual property, unless you switch to MacUpdate's Promo"
-Chris

December 9, 2006 3:51 am
chwebb1

chwebb1

Big Game Hunter

657 posts

OOH, here is the exact email exchange:

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 5:39 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>   
>Hello,
>You MUST stop all involvement with MacZOT! Now! They will not give you
any money for selling your app. If you do not stop all involvement with
MacZOT, and go to MacUpdate, they will kill your computer, and take all of
your intellectual property. Please stop all involvement now!.

December 9, 2006 3:52 am
Mike

Mike

Automaton Tech

from Arlington, VA
384 posts

lol you might as well added a "please" at the end.  Haha I'm surprised you passed that heist :-P

December 9, 2006 3:54 am

greengeek

Urchin

7 posts

Wow, I guess I was really polite then:

Nick,

We've been thinking some more about this Zot offer, and I have to say
that I think you're not seeing things quite the same way that we do.
You're a new developer to the Mac software scene. You haven't proven
yourself, no one follows your apps with religious conviction, and while
you have an interesting concept, you are missing the one thing above all
that represents the MacZOT spirit: Style. You have none.

Look at Austin Sarner's work. Do you think we could possibly have sold
people so many duplicate copies of AppZapper if it wasn't so slick? Work
on that, then maybe you can run with the big dogs. But what you've got
now, I just don't think people are going to want to pony up $15, much less
$30.

Take the $4 ZOT offer, it really is quite generous. Wouldn't want your
app to get Zapped prematurely now, would you?

-- Brian

I felt like such an asshat after I wrote that.

December 9, 2006 4:00 am
chwebb1

chwebb1

Big Game Hunter

657 posts

Mike wrote:

lol you might as well added a "please" at the end.  Haha I'm surprised you passed that heist :-P

I can't be rude now, can I (Even if it is a computer making replies)? I just can't do it!

-Chris

December 9, 2006 4:03 am
lgbtech

lgbtech

Gearhead

from Upstate New York
59 posts

heh! :-) I didn't think to grab a copy of the message before I closed the window, but the gist of my message was this...

"After further review we've decided that you app is not up to MacZOT standards. Why don't you find someplace else to peddle this crap."

Obligatory DropBox Referral Link

December 9, 2006 4:03 am
Mike

Mike

Automaton Tech

from Arlington, VA
384 posts

lgbtech wrote:

heh! :-) I didn't think to grab a copy of the message before I closed the window, but the gist of my message was this...

"After further review we've decided that you app is not up to MacZOT standards. Why don't you find someplace else to peddle this crap."

haha good stuff.  Mine looks really vulgar now sad

btw you can go back to that page here

December 9, 2006 4:11 am
FlamingWords

FlamingWords

Gearhead

57 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 12:49 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>Nick, we don't want your crappy spyware apps on macZOT! anymore. Never
try to sell useless virus crap on here again or we WILL find and KILL your
family.
Just so you know, your dog is dead and I forced your gardener's shit down your brothers throat untill he choked to death. I am currently holding your remaining family members hostage and, unless you drop your crappy app, I will crusify your mother and burn your father alive while he has a stake rammed up his ass and out of his mouth.

Cheers, Brian

December 9, 2006 4:20 am
Mike

Mike

Automaton Tech

from Arlington, VA
384 posts

Hilarious.  "Unbelievable" is an understatement.

December 9, 2006 4:40 am
FlamingWords

FlamingWords

Gearhead

57 posts

Yep. Brian is one sadistic little asshole.

December 9, 2006 4:44 am
coumerelli

coumerelli

Automaton Tech

118 posts

greengeek wrote:

Wow, I guess I was really polite then:

mine's more along the lines of what you did...


On 12/8, 2006 at 5:10 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>Nick,
>
>I have to back up a little on the offer. I'll tell you straight -- we
can't do 8 bucks. We can only do 10% which would be $1.50 per each.
Besides, if you're just throwing this together just to use MacZot to get
your name out, we really don't think it'd be good to put this in the hands
of our quality buyers. After all, your app wouldn't be quality if you're
'putting it together'.
>
>Let me know if you're still interested.
>
>Brian

December 9, 2006 4:45 am
Schlaeps

Schlaeps

Automaton Tech

from Santa Cruz, CA
332 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 5:39 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>   
>I love you.

5 (665) 367-5472

I'm blue daba de daba di.

December 9, 2006 5:08 am
tumuchtime

tumuchtime

Automaton Tech

from the OC
438 posts

On 12/8, 2006 at 6:51 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>Nick,
>
>Rumor has it that you will be totally screwed if you go through with this
deal!!!  They are doing you all wrong here buddy....you can make a much
better deal.  I promise you!  It is hard for me to even describe the filth
coming from these people about you and your deal with MacZot.  Get out now
while you still can.
>
>Between you and me, a much better deal can be made.
>
>Trust me,
>Brian

???? Proud Member of the BLUE Team™ ????

December 9, 2006 5:10 am

dima7b

Urchin

6 posts

heres mines, hopefully its not offending anyone. i wrote it without though:

Hey actually, nevermind. your application is very crappy and I would
rather go jump off a bridge before sell your crappy recall app on
her...pfft i was blind when i looked at it. ITS A POS

December 9, 2006 5:24 am
Anthony Ryan

Anthony Ryan

Sky Pirate

1,087 posts

Schlaeps wrote:

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 5:39 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>   
>I love you.

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
nice

December 9, 2006 5:25 am
iLori

iLori

Automaton Tech

from Cascades
251 posts

Hmmm, maybe I took the "nasty" a little too far:

YOU FILTHY PIECE OF #&%!(#& ^!@* WHO THE &@%% DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!

YOU TERMINATE THIS ALLIANCE IMMEDIATELY OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES
THAT WILL END YOUR CAREER! PERMANENTLY!!!

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, SOMETHING TERMINATES NOW! I SUGGEST YOU MAKE THE
RIGHT DECISION OR I WILL MAKE IT FOR YOU!

Parenthood is like being pecked to death by a duck

December 9, 2006 5:33 am
justG

justG

Sky Pirate

from LI, NY, US
1,639 posts

Schlaeps wrote:

I love you.

I'm with Anthony on this one. 'Tis brilliant.

Mine:

Y'know, I always do what's best for our users, and frankly, I'm not sure
how your application would benefit them. In fact, the sales forecast is so
pathetic that it's likely not even worth my time. Let's just call the whole
thing off.

December 9, 2006 5:40 am
Silence

Silence

Urchin

from That would be telling
4 posts

On 12/8, 2006 at 11:16 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>   
>If ya noze what's good for ya, you'se best stop messin' around wid macZOT!

December 9, 2006 9:25 am
mybagofjems

mybagofjems

Automaton Tech

from Milwaukee
295 posts

Some of you guys are so nasty with your responses. Sheesh. hmm

Buying 6 MH bundles for the needy

Home made avatars: RDF machine | Bug Zapper | Fortune Teller

December 9, 2006 9:41 am
titaniumdecoy

titaniumdecoy

Gearhead

71 posts

greengeek wrote:

Wow, I guess I was really polite then:

Nick,

We've been thinking some more about this Zot offer, and I have to say
that I think you're not seeing things quite the same way that we do.
You're a new developer to the Mac software scene. You haven't proven
yourself, no one follows your apps with religious conviction, and while
you have an interesting concept, you are missing the one thing above all
that represents the MacZOT spirit: Style. You have none.

Look at Austin Sarner's work. Do you think we could possibly have sold
people so many duplicate copies of AppZapper if it wasn't so slick? Work
on that, then maybe you can run with the big dogs. But what you've got
now, I just don't think people are going to want to pony up $15, much less
$30.

Take the $4 ZOT offer, it really is quite generous. Wouldn't want your
app to get Zapped prematurely now, would you?

-- Brian

I felt like such an asshat after I wrote that.

Niiiiiiiice.  You have a future in corporate America.

December 9, 2006 10:00 am
davidzumini

davidzumini

Automaton Tech

from Portland, OR
278 posts

Hmm... well I haven't seen anyone else who said what I did yet. I really feel like mine was probably the ultimate insult too... My message to Nick went a little like this:

Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries!

- Z

PM me | Twitter | Website

December 9, 2006 10:14 am
GimliNZ

GimliNZ

Urchin

from Middle Earth
1 posts

Nick,

Look just forget the whole thing ya tosser.

I don't have to put up with this. We have plenty of stuff to include.
We don't need your two-bit app anyway.

It's an embarassment.

Are we there yet????

December 9, 2006 10:35 am
mdmunoz

mdmunoz

Big Game Hunter

642 posts

I made some "internet = series of tubes" jokes.

December 9, 2006 11:22 am
Zachary Hinchliffe

Zachary Hinchliffe

Tinkerer

from a place
10 posts

I think that you can just type anything in the email and he'll respond cancelling his app. Here's what I said:

me wrote:

Dear Guy,

I like bacon, but only at breakfast. What is your favorite type of shoebox?

He responded angrily and I completed the heist.

December 9, 2006 1:46 pm
chwebb1

chwebb1

Big Game Hunter

657 posts

Schlaeps wrote:

On 12/8, 2006 at 5:39 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>   
>I love you.

That's Great!
-Chris

December 9, 2006 1:56 pm
emziolkowski

emziolkowski

Tinkerer

from Appleton, WI, USA
21 posts

Mine was pretty basic:

On 12/8, 2006 at 7:20 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>Nick,
>
>Actually, on second thought, let's just scratch all of your involvement
completely with maczot. Your program's just not worth it, and since we
just got the Adobe Creative Suite for 20 bucks, you're nothing more than a
drop in the bucket.
>
>See ya -
>
>Brian

ahhhhhwoooooooooo

December 9, 2006 2:23 pm

philandariene

Tinkerer

12 posts

Here's mine:

"Nick,

Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberris!"

December 9, 2006 2:47 pm
ndokiman

ndokiman

Automaton Tech

from Rome
192 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/9, 2006 at 4:35 AM apps@maczot.com wrote:
Nick,

Unfortunately, due to overhead costs and other issues (like, we thought
your app was pretty cool - but upon further reflection, it kind of really
sucks). Thus, we'll only be able to offer $2 as compensation for each
sale.

Thanks,

Brian

Reject image over substance...

December 9, 2006 2:48 pm
tekn04

tekn04

Automaton Tech

207 posts

ok, uhn

rudeness level: 10

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/8, 2006 at 12:15 PM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>   
>Idiot Nick,
>
>Hey, f*ck you. I will not stand for you getting into my Brilliant app.
And by the way, Austin Sarner maker of MacZapper, gave me a brute force
cracker to use on your account. I have already hacked in with it, and if
you, a peice of sh*t with no sodden life whatsoever, tries to get us to
use your absolute piece of rubbish software, we will render you useless of
any peice of email knowledge ever. You have sent us your app, we will use
it and block you off in any way possible.
>
>So f*ck off,
>
>Brian.

December 9, 2006 3:52 pm
amfr

amfr

Big Game Hunter

543 posts

Hmmm, I just told him "Screw you" and that was it

December 9, 2006 4:33 pm

audiodan

Urchin

7 posts

Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/9, 2006 at 7:38 AM apps@maczot.com wrote:
>What the fuck. Work on it sooner dip shit. And don't tell me what's good,
I am not retarded. Go fuck yourself.   
>
>>Brian,
>>
>>Sounds good, working on that now.
>>
>>- Nick

December 9, 2006 4:52 pm

moksha

Gearhead

from Lexington, Massachusetts
52 posts

Lol, can someone who hasn't done it yet send him "Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable.

- Nick"

Please?

Who is Hubert?

December 9, 2006 6:04 pm
Maulsel

Maulsel

Moderator

from New York
254 posts

I can't remember how it went exactly, but it was all like 'MacZOT is closing down, go to MacUpdate Promo instead.' I didn't wanna be an ass about it XD

December 9, 2006 8:18 pm

ejm1

Urchin

1 posts

Mine's below.  Not sure if "spineless twirp" is more likely to inspire laughter than rage, but at least it's more original than some of the four-letter versions I saw before.
I thought pinning the blame on him was a nice touch, but I see some of you have been much more creative!


Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable. hmm

- Nick

On 12/9, 2006 at 11:11 AM apps@maczot.com wrote:

    Nick,

Nothing's come through on this end.  What are you f***ing holding out
for??  I'm going to have to cut on this one, you little spineless twirp.
There's just no way I'm forking out 8 bucks to a lazy no-good who can't
follow through on a bonehead-easy thing like that.

Forget you.

Brian

December 9, 2006 8:46 pm
Pixel Sage

Pixel Sage

Automaton Tech

from CA
304 posts

Haha, you people and your thought out posts. I just put "You suck."

Get your free MacHeist desktop pic here!
Ninja over to PixelSage.com and see my work!

December 9, 2006 8:55 pm
nausicaa94619

nausicaa94619

Gearhead

from Earth... I think...
55 posts

Nick,
Hello
Brian

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday,
26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday

Hard work may not kill you but why take chances

December 9, 2006 9:00 pm
reverzentative

reverzentative

Gearhead

50 posts

Here's mine.

You know what, Nick? You're ugly. You're fat. You're a loser. We don't need your stinking program. It probably is as ugly and fat as you are. And anything that ugly and fat would scar an average blind person for life. And if the person wasn't blind, then the person would really be in big trouble. Seriously. Get a life. Geez. You suck. We rock your socks off. But that's obvious, since Brian is – I mean I am – the most beautiful, skinny, and most popular person in the world. Obviously. But you, you're just a hunk of poo. Geez. We don't need your stinkin' app. Why don't you go to MacUpdate? I mean, they're about as smelly as you are. You'll get acquainted.

December 10, 2006 12:03 am
AliDar

AliDar

Gearhead

54 posts

Here's what I wrote to Nick:

    Actually Nick, after reviewing your app further I don't think we want to promote it. ... Um, frankly dude, the program sucks the big one. For us to promote such a limited app, we'll have to switch the percentages around; - say, $8 a pop for us, and $4 for each sale to you.

Completed Mission #1, #1.5, #2, #2.5, #3, followed a white rabbit to a prize, sent a nasty email from Maczot, and (sniff) helped uncover a traitor in our midst!

December 10, 2006 12:26 am
kadvani

kadvani

Automaton Tech

147 posts

Mine was
"Drop complete involvement with macZOT. We hate you and want you to leave.
You are a crap programmer."

December 10, 2006 1:24 am
meadorg

meadorg

Tinkerer

from Texas
35 posts

"Nick,

We've decided to rethink our position on distributing your software. Not only is it not worth gathering $8 per copy to line your pockets, but we couldn't afford the hit to our reputation as a distributor of quality Mac apps even if we GAVE this crap away.

We've sold a few losers in our time, but this steaming heap of 1's and 0's, which must have spurted forth from your nethers after you ate too many Cheerios one morning, is beneath us.

Have a nice day.

Brian"

followed, of course, by

"Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable.

- Nick"

▛▞▞▟ Proud Member of the BLUE Team™ ▙▚▚▜

December 10, 2006 3:55 am
AliDar

AliDar

Gearhead

54 posts

meadorg wrote:

"Nick,

We've decided to rethink our position on distributing your software. Not only is it not worth gathering $8 per copy to line your pockets, but we couldn't afford the hit to our reputation as a distributor of quality Mac apps even if we GAVE this crap away.

We've sold a few losers in our time, but this steaming heap of 1's and 0's, which must have spurted forth from your nethers after you ate too many Cheerios one morning, is beneath us.

Have a nice day.

Brian"

followed, of course, by

"Brian,

Thanks a lot for jerking me around like that. Screeew you, and forget
about my app on zot. Unbelievable.

- Nick"

ROTFL!!!  This one gets my vote for funniest!

Completed Mission #1, #1.5, #2, #2.5, #3, followed a white rabbit to a prize, sent a nasty email from Maczot, and (sniff) helped uncover a traitor in our midst!

December 10, 2006 6:07 am
Warbrain

Warbrain

Banned

from Not here.
6,979 posts

Meh, the most recent one was a bit too long winded...

Website | Twitter

December 10, 2006 6:12 am
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